Envy.


It’s ugly and unbecoming.

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I was out this evening, washing the old girl, when a couple drove by in a black 2012 Corvette.  The car slowed down, and I see Doctor Combover and Tammi Botox both snap their heads around to see my ’64 LeSabre in the driveway sparkling in the setting sun.    It was clear instantly what they were both thinking, it was written all over their faces.  “Boy!  I wish I had one of THOSE!”

It is understandable, because the LeSabre has a ton of features theirs doesn’t.   Lap belts.   Drum brakes, front and back.  A trunk you could rent out to a college fraternity.   Bench seats, front AND back.  No pesky side mirror on the passenger side door.   Or headrests to get in the way.  A dimmer switch on the floor.  A 4-barrel Rochester carburetor.  Spark plugs.  Voltage regulator.  2″ white sidewalls.   A locking gas cap.   Gigantic bake-lite steering wheel.  A Delco AM Sonomatic radio.  And sex appeal.   Lots and lots of sex appeal.

See, there are hundreds and hundreds of 2012 Corvettes registered in Vermont, quite a number in this immediate area.  Jaguars, too.  Mercedes Benz?  Dime a dozen.   But, to my knowledge and that of a number of people in the know, mine is the ONLY 1964 Buick LeSabre on the road in the entire State of Vermont!

Don’t despair, I am sure your Corvette is nice enough, and I do hope you enjoy it.  But it isn’t a ’64 LeSabre.  It just isn’t.  But please don’t be envious.  Be happy with what you have.    Even if you never know the joy of setting ignition timing or installing a water pump.

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13 Comments

Filed under girls, Humor, Personal, stupid

13 responses to “Envy.

  1. But I am jealous….of the attention she takes away from me!

  2. Heh. Land yacht.

    Folks had a ’73 Le Sabre. Entirely different platform, but still a huge car. And nothing like buying a gas guzzler months before the OPEC Oil Crisis.

  3. LT Rusty

    You know, I’ve got a pretty new car, pretty low mileage. It’s in pretty good shape, and I’ve got another 3 years and / or 80,000 miles of warantee left … but if I could go to the dealership and buy a brand-new-fresh-off-the-assembly-line 1986 Saab 900 Turbo or 1977/78 Saab 99 Turbo … I’d trade in what I’ve got in a heartbeat. Personality in a car makes up very nicely for lack of power windows and auto climate control.

  4. Jeff Gauch

    Needs spinners and fuzzy dice.

  5. She’s a beaut.

    *turns green*

  6. I’m surprised the Greenies haven’t put you at the top of their Most Wanted list for dissing our “big blue marble” by driving something that clearly doesn’t meet current EPA standards. Clearly, you care only for yourself, you heathen.

    • ultimaratioregis

      What really pisses off the tree-huggers is when I tell them that this car is cleaner than theirs. With the lead substitute, ignition temperatures are lower than in modern engines, and much of what is turned into gases are in the exhaust of mine as vapors that never enter the atmosphere. Now that there is ethanol in the fuel, modern catalytic converters only catch about 70% of the pollutants.

      It makes them INSANE when I tell Prius owners that the manufacture of their deep-cell battery caused more pollution than the manufacture of my entire automobile!

    • I’m surprised they haven’t come after you with torches and pitchforks.

      I had a 1960 Oldsmobile until recently; fortunately, I live in the South and we don’t have near the number of busybodies that seem to inhabit New England. However, I’d get the occasional look that indicated I was being damned to eco-hell for not “getting with the program,” in their view.

  7. ultimaratioregis

    QM,

    Not as a rule. But the fuzzy dice just don’t scream “Buick Sedan!”. Lemme in a 65 Pontiac GTO ragtop, and you got a deal!

    • In defense of the Corvette, I would like to say the ’63 split rear window Corvette was as cool as they come.
      That’s a beautiful car, you have there, URR. My folks had one just like it in the mid Sixties, even to the color.
      I found a 1:25 scale 1967 Mustang like the one I had 30 years ago. I also bought a 1:25 scale Tahoe, like the squad I drive when at my now part time Patrol Deputy job, ( thanks Obama, for the economy). The two vehicle have almost the same wheelbase! I had forgotten how big cars were in the 60’s!

  8. ultimaratioregis

    Oh, if they’d have had the ’63 split-window, they would have gotten a post of their own!!!! Not many of those on Vermont’s roads!