Authentic Barbie Vs. Real GI Joe

You may have seen the latest bit of silliness about wanting Barbie dolls to better reflect reality, and cease their horrific crime of fat-shaming.


A controversy is brewing over a request to remake Barbie in way contrary to the iconic image so many girls knew growing up. is suggesting Mattel create a plus-size Barbie. While some say more realistic curves would be a better role model for girls, others say an overly large Barbie would be an unhealthy example.

Always a stalwart supporter of equal opportunity, Craig suggested to me this morning that what we men really need is a GI Joe that more truly reflects some of the people we served alongside.

  • Intel Analyst G.I. Joe with glasses and a kick-butt World of Warcraft character.
  • Personnel Actions Clerk who loses paperwork. And “Profile” with hands formed best for 12 ounce curls.
  • Realistic Supply Sergeant that won’t issue toilet paper.
  • SPC Mafia that excel in shamming and Caspering, and Buffer Rodeo and getting arrested for minor in possession or disturbing the peace.
  • Chain smoking motor sergeant who refuses to issue repair parts, fearing depletion of PLL.
  • 77F fuel handler who loses the key to the lock on the gas pump.

What are some of your suggestions for a more realistic GI Joe?


Filed under ARMY TRAINING, Humor

6 responses to “Authentic Barbie Vs. Real GI Joe

  1. Richard M Nixon (Deceased)

    Reblogged this on Dead Citizen's Rights Society.


  2. JoshO

    We had this discussion in the sandbox once, one of my favorites was the one of an assistant gunner in our squad who didn’t seem to have room on his gear to carry the ammo or tripod because of all his personal electronics(digital cameras were bigger in 2003) and pouge-e-bait his insisted upon carrying.


    • Pogey Bait is far more important than ammo. Until you get into a fire fight, then you can never have enough ammo. Fin stabilized ordnance is far better, however, and your asst. Gunner can’t carry that and his pogey bait.


  3. SFC (R) Blizzard

    Como SGT GI JOE, carries 15 handmikes. His only solution to every como problem is to change the hand mike.

    19K GI JOE, dirty uniform but clean boots. has removable wet weather boots to keep his tank clean in the mud

    TOC Bitch GI JOE: Disgruntled E-7 who suddenly reverts back to being an E4 becasue he is forced to be the SGM’s bitch in the TOC. Often seen on the phone begging for branch to send him someplace else. Comes with a Lap Top, a projector, and a Silver Bullet full of coffee. Usually the only guy in the unit with a M16 becasue he will never leave the FOB.


  4. hayabusa69

    That Guy who’s been on profile the entire time he’s been with the unit, and who’s never made a single road march or PT run, but whose “knee injury” doesn’t seem to prevent him from playing basketball with his buddies when he thinks no one from his chain of command is looking.

    Okay, maybe that title is a little long for a GI Joe character, but we’ve all known That Guy.